Sudden Feelings of Despair? Here are the Best Strategies to Cope

You feel down, and you don’t know what to do. You’re not alone! We’ve all been there, and it’s not fun. But it doesn’t need to be that way forever.

Feeling despair is a normal part of life. It can happen at any time, and it’s completely normal to feel a little down when things aren’t going well in your life. But if you find yourself feeling like there’s no way out of your current situation, or if you’ve gone through a lot of negative events in a short amount of time, you may be experiencing feelings of despair.

If this sounds like something that might be happening to you right now, then this post is for you! We’re going to take a look at some ways that we can help get over feelings of despair—and even help deal with other kinds of negative emotions without having to go through them again and again.

What does despair mean?

Despair is a tricky emotion to identify, and it can be difficult to understand why you’re feeling it. It’s not a feeling that people often talk about, and it’s even less common for people to say out loud what they’re feeling.

But despair is a real thing, and when you feel it, it can signal a variety of other emotions that can help you figure out what’s going on in your life. Here’s what despair can feel like:

• A sense of hopelessness
• A loss of control over your life
• An overwhelming sense of inadequacy or incompetence
• Feeling trapped and unable to escape

All of these are symptoms of what happens when our coping mechanisms no longer work for us. And if we don’t reach out for help (whether that means talking to someone about your feelings or finding ways to deal with your situation in a different way), then those symptoms can get worse and lead to bigger problems down the line.

But despair doesn’t always have to mean feeling completely helpless—and it doesn’t always signal a mental health issue.

You might despair because you’re trying to make something happen that seems impossible. Maybe your goal is to lose weight or get into shape; maybe you want to quit smoking or stop drinking alcohol; or maybe you want to be more organized or less stressed out.

When you’re feeling down about these goals, it could be because they seem too big for you to accomplish in one lifetime (which is totally okay!), or because they are so far away from where you are now that it seems impossible for them to happen at all (which is also totally okay!)

When we feel despair about something that seems almost impossible, we often use other emotions as guides—like sadness or anger—to help us figure out why we’re feeling this way and what we need in our lives right now.

Different people, different experiences of despair

We all experience despair, but not everyone experiences it the same way.

The first time you feel the weight of despair, it can be overwhelming. We may feel like we’re alone in our suffering, and even though we know there are others who have felt this pain before us, it can be hard to find the words to describe what we’re feeling. But there are also many factors that help determine how we experience this emotion. Common experiences of despair can include:

1) A persistent feeling of despair—This type of despair is one where you feel like things will never get better for you or that there’s no way out of this situation. It can be caused by an event in your past or by current events happening around you.

For example, some people experience despair over a long period of time and become accustomed to it. In such cases, they may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions and need help coping with the constant stress of feeling helplessly depressed.

2) A sudden feeling of despair—This type of despair happens suddenly and without warning. You may feel like there’s no hope left for yourself or for others around you as well. This type can be caused by something in your environment triggering a memory of a difficult event in your past, or by a current stressful situation happening in your life.

We know that one of the biggest causes of despair is stress. As humans, we have a tendency to push ourselves too hard when things seem stressful or difficult. We think if we could just get through this one thing then everything will be better, but then things aren’t better after all.

This is why strategies for managing feelings of despair in the moment can be important for preventing these feelings from becoming a bigger problem.

4 ways to cope with sudden feelings of despair

We want to help you get through it and find the strength you need. Here are some tips on how to cope with sudden feelings of despair:

1. Opposite action

Despair, and any other emotions that come with it, will likely bring about urges to act in certain ways. It might be that you feel like curling up in a ball and binging TV shows all day, lashing out or withdrawing from others, avoiding a difficult situation, or wanting to drink or use a substance to escape.

The thing is, often when we act on urges that come from painful emotions, it can create a nasty cycle that keeps us stuck in that emotion. So instead, see if you can do one thing that is the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do.

When you feel like laying down and doing nothing, try talking a short walk outside, or doing one bit of housework first. Feel like not talking to anyone? Try having a quick check-in with someone you care about. Feeling irritable and might lash out? Try taking some deep breaths and do something that helps you unwind.

When you notice yourself avoiding a difficult task or situation, see if you can find one small action that helps to face it a little bit. If your urge is to use alcohol or drugs, try holding off for a little while and see if the urge changes.

Repeatedly taking small actions that are the opposite of what you’re feeling can help you start to break harmful cycles and make it easier to find relief from painful feelings.

2. Reflective writing

Writing about your experience can help you work through how you feel and come up with new ideas for coping with despair in the future.

Often, the underlying causes of our feelings are not at the forefront of our minds. Writing can help to dig a little deeper and gain a better understanding of what’s really going on with us, and find solutions to it.

Some people might find it hard to write, and that’s okay—it’s not necessarily for everyone, but if you want to give it a go try to not worry about things like grammar or sentence structure and write whatever comes to your mind. The words might feel pointless or silly to begin with, but don’t let that discourage you! Research shows that the more you write, the more meaningful and creative your ideas become.

The Mind Ease app has a Reflective Writing exercise to help you write down your thoughts anywhere, anytime!

3. Music

Music can have a powerful impact on how we feel. Research shows that music can be used to regulate emotions by enhancing positive emotions or helping to process negative emotions.

Using music to help with feelings of despair is very individualized—there isn’t necessarily one type of music that works best, it depends on your music preference. Even heavy metal can be helpful if you’re into that kind of thing! 

So, when despair hits you suddenly, try putting on your favorite tune and notice if it shifts your mood.

4. Visualization

As despair often involves feelings of lacking control, imagining yourself in a place where you feel calm and safe can help regain a sense of control over your thoughts and emotions.

Visualization helps you to take a mental break from the difficulties you are experiencing. Even a couple of minutes of this can help to lift some of those heavy feelings. Here are some steps to help you create an effective and immersive visualization:

1) Think about a place that makes you feel relaxed and safe. Maybe it is a familiar place, like a particular room or garden that you love, or maybe it is an idea of a place, like a forest or a beach.

2) Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

3) Conjure up an image of your safe place in your mind. Try to focus on each of your senses one at a time—what can you see in this place? What can you hear? Smell? Feel?

4) Spend as long as you can soaking in all the sensations of being in this calming place. There is no wrong way to do this—if you become distracted, that’s okay! Gently bring your attention back to your visualization as best you can.

5) Come back to reality and notice how you feel now compared to before.

If you need a little extra help with this technique, the Mind Ease app contains guided imagery exercises. Try the app for free today!