Can You Talk Yourself Into Happiness?
The things we tell ourselves matter. Positive self-talk can improve your mood and help you become the person you want to be. But how do you know if you’re giving yourself the right messages?
If you find yourself internally narrating everything you do, you’re not alone. We all tell ourselves any number of good, bad, and meaningless things throughout the day. Self-talk can be a really useful way to process information, but it can also profoundly impact how we feel. Self-talk is very tightly wound with anxiety – negative thoughts can make us feel anxious, and anxious feelings can make us think about things in negative ways.
What is negative self-talk?
Everyone has negative thoughts from time to time, and it’s completely fine – sometimes even useful – for these thoughts to come and go. But it can become a problem if you find yourself continually returning to negative ways of thinking. When you’re struggling with anxiety, you might have thoughts like “this is all my fault” or “I always make mistakes”. You might also make unreasonable demands of yourself, like “I must work harder”, or think of the worst possible outcomes, like “If I do poorly on this task, I will lose my job and my partner will leave me”.
To avoid becoming trapped in thought patterns like these, it can be helpful to identify the situations that trigger your negative thoughts and feelings (Mind Ease’s activity “Know Your Triggers” can help with this). While you can’t necessarily stop your thoughts, you can learn how to catch yourself out before you become lost in them. During times of stress, try checking in with yourself by asking “Are my thoughts helping me right now?”, “Are these thoughts actually true?”, “How can I think about this more productively?”
How can you turn your thoughts around?
Positive self-talk isn’t about trying to make yourself happy all the time or blocking out anything unpleasant. It’s about being more realistic, more present, having a better understanding of your mind, and making small changes to your way of thinking to create better outcomes for yourself.
Having a certain belief about yourself, even if it is not completely accurate, can make you behave in ways that make that belief more likely to come true. Psychologists call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. This can work against us – for instance, if we believe that we always make mistakes, then we might feel less motivated and become more likely to make mistakes. But, if we focus more realistically on our strengths and limitations, we can boost our mood and behaviour drastically. For example, saying to yourself “I make mistakes sometimes, like everyone does, but I know I can work through it because I am a hard worker” is more realistic and highlights something positive about yourself.
Do affirmations work?
To some, affirmations might seem like a corny, new age cliche. You might think that simply saying things that you don’t really believe couldn’t possibly make you feel better. But affirmations can be so powerful, that there are ways they can go wrong: research shows that saying affirmations that are not realistic and contradict your beliefs can often make you feel worse. Likewise, focusing on circumstances that you have limited control over (“I am going to win the lottery”), or statements that are too overreaching (“I accept myself completely”) aren’t likely to brighten your day either. However, affirmations can be helpful if they align with your values and beliefs, and reflect your true abilities. Here are some ideas to get you started:
“Today I will be kind to myself and others.”
“I am motivated and able to take care of my health.”
“I see challenges as an opportunity to learn about myself and grow.”
“I accept that I don’t feel my best right now, but I know I can get through it.”
How Mind Ease can help
Each time you open Mind Ease, you’ll be greeted with a reassuring message that can help put your mind in a positive frame. Mind Ease also includes activities designed to help you identify negative thoughts and replace them with something more positive and realistic, along with practicing strategies like mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion. All of these go a long way in helping you understand your mind, be more positive, and improve your mental wellbeing.
