▶ 5 Steps To Overcome Negative Thinking

It’s natural to experience negative thoughts. Nobody feels happy and optimistic all of the time! We might worry about the future or feel sad about something from the past. We may be critical of ourselves or others. All of these thoughts are normal and they can be appropriate responses to what’s happening in our lives. 

Rather than approaching your thoughts as good or bad, try seeing them as helpful or unhelpful. If you feel like some of your thoughts are limiting you in how you want to live your life, now might be a good time to explore them further.

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What causes a negative mindset?

There are many factors that may cause negative thinking. Past experiences with our peers or family members can be important, as the way they have treated us can affect how we look at the world. Experiences of trauma, abuse or bullying can have particularly strong effects, making us more worried or pessimistic. Family history of mental illness, such as depression, can also make us more likely to focus on the negative.

As you can see, many of these factors are beyond our control. That’s why it is so important to be kind to ourselves. No matter our past, there are things that we can all do to help ease our negative thoughts. These strategies can help you feel more optimistic and adapt better to the different circumstances you may face in your life.

1. Monitor your thoughts

Gaining a greater awareness of our thinking patterns can be extremely helpful. Our thoughts can arise so quickly and automatically that sometimes we don’t even realise why we’re feeling bad. That’s why it can help to regularly track the ideas and images that run through our minds.

You can try a journaling practice, where you choose a regular time to sit and simply write down anything that’s on your mind. Or you can note down your negative thoughts throughout the day whenever you notice them. It can be particularly useful to monitor the thoughts that seem to trigger your unpleasant emotions. Just a quick note can do the trick, something like: 

I’m feeling anxious at school. My thought is “What if my friends don’t like me?.

Sometimes it can be difficult to identify specific thoughts. You may just feel an emotion or a bodily sensation, such as heaviness or tightness. When this happens, try closing your eyes and asking yourself, “what is going on for me right now?”. If you still can’t find a specific thought, just note down how you’re feeling.

As you practice tracking your thoughts, you might notice that some of your unhelpful thoughts are triggered by things that you can control. For example, you could change how much you expose yourself to negative news or how much time you spend on certain social media platforms. 

The more you can monitor your experiences like this, the easier it will be to understand them and make helpful changes.

2. Learn about your thoughts

After you have successfully tracked some of your unhelpful thoughts, it’s time to explore them. Psychologists have mapped out different kinds of thinking styles that people often struggle with. By learning about them, it may help you to understand why they are causing you such difficulty.

Here are some common types of unhelpful thoughts:

“The tyranny of the shoulds” 

These kinds of thoughts can arise when we put a lot of pressure on ourselves or on the people around us. It’s common to wish for things to be perfect and predictable all of the time. In an effort to achieve this, our minds can say things like:

• I should always be productive.
• I should always be in a good mood.
• I should never disappoint anyone.
• People should always treat me fairly.

While it can be great to generally aim for some of these things, such as being productive, it can become unhelpful if we are being too rigid about it. Nobody can “do it all, all of the time”. Learning to be more flexible with our expectations can help us feel more relaxed about the things that happen in our lives.

Awfulizing

When we experience difficult feelings, it can lead to us exaggerating how bad a situation is or how serious the consequences might be. Do you relate to any of these thoughts?

• If I don’t do things perfectly, something terrible will happen!
• If I do badly on this exam, my career will be ruined!
• If I show my imperfections, everyone will judge me!
• If I make a mistake, everyone will think that I’m stupid!

We all think this way sometimes! But such catastrophic consequences tend to be unlikely. When we try to view the situation in a more realistic way, it can help us feel less overwhelmed and better prepared to solve any problems.

Filtering

Another common thinking pattern relates to how we might filter information. For example, it is common to focus only on the negative aspects of a situation or to remember only the negative things we or others have done. It can look like this:

• I can’t believe I overslept! Why do I always do this!?
• I’m so angry that she is late again. Why is she never on time!?
• I make a mistake every time I try to cook!
• No matter what I do, things always go wrong for me.

Usually when we talk to ourselves in this way, the statements aren’t actually true. Often it is possible to look at things from a different perspective and remember plenty of times when we didn’t oversleep, our friend wasn’t late and our cooking turned out great!

However, even if these statements were true, it may not be that helpful to think in this way. It could lead us to feeling hopeless and giving up on things that can actually get better. 

If you want to learn more about different types of negative thoughts, we recommend books about cognitive behavioural therapy.

Now that we’ve learnt a little bit about how our minds can react to different situations, let’s have a look at what we can do to counteract these negative thinking patterns.

3. Reframe your perspective

Challenging our thoughts is all about looking for new perspectives. The Mind Ease app has a Cognitive Therapy exercise, which can take you through this process step-by-step. 

You can also try asking yourself these questions:

• Is there a more helpful way that I could look at this situation? 

• How would I approach this if I had more confidence? How would a more positive friend or family member think about this?

• Have I had this thought before? Did things ever turn out better than I expected?

• What evidence supports this thought? What contradicts it?

• Is this kind of thinking helping me achieve my goals?

• Will this really matter in 5 years time?

• Is there anything useful that I can learn from this? 

• Is there anything good about this situation?

These questions encourage us to be kinder to ourselves and can help us cultivate a more hopeful vision of the future. After considering them, try reframing your thoughts in a more helpful way.

Here are some examples of reframed thoughts:

I should always be productive. 

I value productivity but I will also allow myself to rest when I need to.

People should always treat me fairly.

I prefer things to be fair, but sometimes people will treat me unfairly.

If I make a mistake, everyone will think that I’m stupid! 

It’s only human to make mistakes, everybody does. I am generally a competent person.

I can’t believe she said that to me! She is the worst person ever! Everybody hates me!

I can’t believe she said that to me. I feel very upset and I need time to process this.

4. Practice your helpful thoughts

Now we can start putting our new, reframed thoughts into practice! This can feel difficult at first, especially if we have spent many years with our negative mindset. Try to stay patient – every small step counts!

Here are some habits that can help you along the way:

• Write one helpful thought on a post-it note and put it somewhere where you will regularly look at it.
• Practice your new thoughts every time you do a regular activity, such as brushing your teeth in the morning.
• Regularly reflect on how often your unhelpful thoughts come up and remind yourself of the more helpful alternatives.
• Make flashcards where you write an unhelpful thought on one side and a more helpful one on the other. You can even use a free flashcard app like Anki or Quizlet to practice memorising them!

5. Put your new thoughts into actions

Even after we practice our new thoughts, it can still feel like we don’t quite believe them deep down. As this can take time, initially a “fake it till you make it” strategy can be helpful. What also helps is to ingrain our thoughts through our actions. 

Think about the kinds of actions that would be taken by someone who believes your reframed thoughts. Here are some suggestions based on the examples we’ve talked about:

Thought: I value productivity, but I will also allow myself to rest when I need to.

Actions: Taking a break and watching a movie instead of working late into the night.

Thought: I prefer things to be fair, but sometimes people will treat me unfairly.

Actions: Looking for practical solutions to help your situation instead of focusing on the injustice.

Thought: I can’t believe she said that to me. I feel very upset and I need time to process this.

Actions: Going for a walk instead of sending an angry text to your friend.

As you can see, a lot of these actions relate to practicing self-care and patience.

Changing our negative thoughts can be difficult,  but it is so worth it! Don’t forget that you can always get more help in this process by seeking out a mental health specialist in your area, like a therapist or a psychiatrist. 

For more self-help strategies to improve your wellbeing, try the Mind Ease app!