How to Identify and Help Manage Anxiety in Children

Children can experience anxiety for lots of different reasons, and it often does not show in the same way it does for adults. This means that it can be hard to tell when a child is anxious, and it’s often even harder to know what to do about it. Every child is different, but here we talk about some of the common causes and signs of anxiety in children, and some strategies that might help.

Why do children get anxious?

Feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety can be normal experiences at any age. Some common childhood fears include a fear of the dark, strangers, being separated from parents, loud noises, thunderstorms, dogs, and other creatures. Many of these fears will fade on their own with time, but sometimes children experience anxiety for more complicated reasons and may need some extra help.

Life changes and disruptions in routines can be disorienting for anyone, but can be particularly challenging for a child. Moving far away, changing schools, parental separation, or introducing new members to the family, are some examples of changes that might be difficult for a child to adjust to. Other particularly disruptive environments might include family conflict within the home, or challenges at school such as social exclusion, bullying, or academic difficulties.

How children handle these situations depends on a combination of their personality and the support they have around them. Children’s minds are like sponges, and they will often learn to respond to stressful situations by observing how trusted adults respond. Likewise, children are more likely to develop a fear of something that their parents fear. Anxiety in children is something to be concerned about when it starts to regularly negatively impact daily life.

What does anxiety look like in children?

Anxiety in children can take many forms. Often, it can manifest as physical symptoms – upset stomachs, sore chest or breathing difficulties, tiredness or hyperactivity, bed wetting, or other specific physical complaints. Another sign of anxiety is a strong reluctance to do something, like not wanting to go to school, to bed, or to try something new. This reluctance can also come with defiant behaviour, like not following instructions or throwing tantrums. An anxious child might become overly clingy, constantly seeking comfort and reassurance. At school, anxiety might show as withdrawal from others or difficulties with concentration. As you can see, childhood anxiety can show itself in many ways and you may need to rule out other possible causes of these symptoms before reaching a conclusion.

How can I best support a child with anxiety?

When a child is in a heightened state of anxiety, a good first step can be to go down to their eye level and prompt them to take deep breaths with you. Once they’re a little calmer, ask them to tell you about what’s going on, and show that you are listening. Avoid saying things like “don’t be silly” or “it’s not that bad” — even if their concern seems trivial to you, as this can teach the child that their thoughts and feelings are invalid. Instead, tell them that you understand, that everyone feels that way sometimes, and that fear is their brain’s way of protecting them. From here, you can begin to teach them strategies to help manage and overcome these feelings.

For children with a lot of worries, it can be good to help relieve their mind a little by encouraging them to write down or draw their worries and put them away in a journal or ‘worry box’. It is also good to be as honest as you can with children – rather than simply saying “don’t worry, everything is fine”, be truthful about the facts of the situation — good or bad — and help the child see different perspectives and think about the situation more constructively. Allow children to problem solve for themselves as much as possible – act as a guide, rather than directly giving them solutions. This helps children develop critical thinking and confidence to take control of their own lives.

Your behaviour as an adult can be really important – your own emotional reactions inadvertently impact how a child copes, so it’s good to make sure that you’re modelling helpful behaviours. Show them what you do to calm yourself down, and talk them through your thought process (e.g., “this is a bit scary, but I’m going to try it anyway”). While it’s good to show that you are there for them, try not to jump in too quickly – we know it can be challenging to not intervene, but letting children experience some discomfort can be good for them! If you are swooping in and getting them out of a situation as soon as they become upset, they won’t learn how to regulate these feelings. Helping a child confront a particular fear in small, gradual steps can be a good approach.

Children are great learners and addressing emotional difficulties earlier in life can allow them to develop strategies they can take with them into adulthood – seeing a child psychologist can really help with these strategies. Finally, fun and laughter are always important for healthy child development. No matter how challenging things become, make sure there are always opportunities to play and explore the world, and encourage a healthy sense of humour!

Mind Ease can help you learn about effective strategies for managing anxiety, which can better prepare you to help children and others.