Social Anxiety: What You Need to Know

If you experience social anxiety, it is likely that you’re already aware of the impact that criticism or rejection can have on you. At its core, social anxiety involves a deep concern about how we are perceived by others – and often includes fears of being criticised or rejected.

Humans are naturally social creatures, and most of us have a strong need for connection with others. However, this need can be the very cause of social anxiety, due to a fear of not being accepted, and can paradoxically drive us away from social engagement.

It is good to keep in mind that almost everyone experiences social anxiety to some degree, especially in situations like being in a new social group, or meeting people for the first time.

It is only when this anxiety begins to impact your daily life (e.g., avoiding social functions, missing work), that it may need to be addressed.

A good starting point is to understand some of the common causes of social anxiety and the reasons that make it difficult to overcome.

Where does social anxiety come from?

As with many mental health challenges, social anxiety often develops from a combination of factors related to your inherent traits (nature) and your history and environment (nurture).

For example, someone who is naturally sensitive or shy and is also exposed to negative social experiences early in life, such as school bullying, may be at risk of developing social anxiety. While early experiences can be particularly influential, social anxiety can develop at any point in life – such as in someone who already struggles with confidence and experiences a lack of support at work.

A continued lack of social support, or repeated experiences of criticism and rejection, can lead to deep fears and uncertainties around social interaction, along with a tendency to be on high alert in such situations.

Some immediate triggers of social anxiety commonly include:

• being in new social environments,
• dating,
• having to make small talk at parties or events,
• situations where we need to perform well,
• or other times where we may feel watched and judged.

Some people can be uncomfortable about eating in front of others, and for many people, making mistakes or saying the wrong thing can bring about strong feelings of anxiety.

What keeps social anxiety going?

A common response to any type of anxious feeling is to avoid what is causing the feeling.

People who experience social anxiety will often stay away from situations which have triggered these feelings for them in the past.

Sounds simple, right?

Just don’t put yourself into any situations that make you uncomfortable and you’ll be ok!

However, this approach is likely to cause two big problems.

• First, as mentioned earlier, avoiding social interaction can cause us to neglect our basic need for social connection, which can lead to other mental health challenges.
• Second, withdrawing from social activities can reinforce our fears and make us even more sensitive, as it limits the opportunity for us to have more positive social experiences that could help to build our confidence.

What helps with social anxiety?

There are a range of techniques that can be effective for managing social anxiety.

It can be useful to begin by learning how to calm down during moments of intense anxiety, such as using breathing and relaxation methods.

Once we know the basics of how to relax, a helpful technique is one that psychologists call Exposure Therapy. This technique involves putting ourselves in social situations repeatedly until we become used to them and our anxiety goes away.

This might not sound very pleasant, but allowing for positive social experiences can be an effective way to teach our brain that these situations are not as bad as they seem.

It can also be useful to learn how to identify unhelpful thoughts and self-criticisms that may be contributing to our experience of anxiety and find better ways to talk to ourselves.

Finally, many people who experience social anxiety struggle to speak up about their own needs and can often be taken advantage of. Learning how to communicate assertively can be a valuable strategy for managing these concerns.

Above all, if social anxiety is impacting your life, it may be helpful to seek advice from a GP or mental health practitioner.

You can find guidance on a range of anxiety management techniques by trying out Mind Ease.