What do Psychologists Say About How to Live Your Best Life?

Mental wellbeing can be complex, and often our day to day worries and stresses get in the way of realising what it truly means to us to live a good life. One problem is that our focus on mental health is often reactive – that is, we often only pay attention to our mental health when something is wrong, and don’t think about it when things are going well.

If we imagine mental wellbeing as being a scale ranging from -10 to +10, with zero in the middle representing doing okay – not necessarily happy or unhappy but managing fine. Anything below zero represents some degree of mental struggle, while anything above zero represents some degree of mental wellness. Often, mental health care is focused on addressing everything below zero, with the aim of working through challenges and stabilising ourselves. This approach can be really important when we’re struggling, but it can also be good to realise that mental health can be more than this – with the right approach and support, we can bring ourselves up to the positive end of the scale and learn how to flourish.

How to Thrive

A popular theory in psychology suggests that all the things we need to live a good life can be classified into five levels – think food pyramid, but for mental wellbeing. This is called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and suggests that we must fulfill each level before we can move upward to the next.

Physiological needs: The bottom and biggest segment of the hierarchy includes the things we need to be physically well, like food, water, and sleep.

Safety needs: The next biggest section is safety – to ensure that we have a roof over our head and are not at risk of harm in our daily life.

Belongingness: The next level up the pyramid is companionship and belonging – the need for loving relationships usually carries heavy importance in human wellbeing.

Self-esteem: Second from the top is self-esteem needs, which includes a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Provided our physical, safety, and companionship needs are met, we typically will have intrinsic motivation to achieve something, such as in work, study, or hobbies.  

Self-actualisation: Finally, at the very top of the pyramid lies self-actualisation – which involves realising your full potential, according to what is important to you. Self-actualisation is not necessarily about striving for something – we often find that as we gain achievements in money or success, our goals and expectations continue to re-adjust, meaning we are always working toward something. Those who cannot move beyond the self-esteem stage may tend to hinge their happiness on achievement, having thoughts like “I won’t be happy until…”, and this can become a never-ending chase. Self-actualisation involves finding peace and fulfillment in the journey – the goals are still there, but the present moment is just as valuable. Self-actualisation tends to be individualised, it is not about conforming to anyone else’s idea of happiness, but about being the most authentic version of yourself, engaging in creative and pleasurable activities, and harnessing your strengths to benefit yourself and others.

According to the theory, having unmet needs at any level lies at the core of psychological distress. Checking-in with our own needs can be a useful way to reflect on our mental wellbeing. How is your physical health? Are you living in a safe environment? Do you have good connections with friends and family? Do you have a sense of purpose in your work, study, or other activities? If you find that you need to work on any of these areas, it might be good to start there before focusing on higher levels.

As life circumstances often change, it can be helpful to make these checks a part of your routine. Although there are often many factors outside of our control that can impact our mental health, having some mental health care routines can help us to better manage challenges when they arise – similar to how doing regular cardio exercise can decrease (but not eliminate) our chances of developing heart conditions. Other than checking-in with your needs, you could try brief daily meditations, scheduling pleasurable activities into your week, regular journaling, joining a social group, or really anything that makes you feel calm that you can build into your routine.

You can find a range of other useful techniques for developing your mental health defences at Mind Ease.