Christmas Anxiety: How to Manage the 5 Biggest Causes of Holiday Stress
All this holiday cheer might leave you wondering, why do I feel stressed when I’m supposed to be happy? Here we talk about some of the common Christmas stressors and offer some tips for how to manage them.
Ah, the holidays! A time of fun, festivities, celebration, and rejuvenation. All this holiday cheer might leave you wondering, why do I feel stressed when I’m supposed to be happy? If this is you, you’re not alone—contrary to popular sentiments, it’s remarkably common to feel anxious and stressed at Christmas time.
There are several common causes of Christmas anxiety. The anticipation itself can be anxiety-provoking, and while anticipation can be exciting, it can also create a feeling of uncertainty and tension. Beyond this, there are some more tangible causes of stress during the holidays.
Here we talk about some of the common holiday stressors that you might be dealing with and offer some tips for how to manage them.
The never-ending to-do list
Shopping, finishing work projects, Christmas events, family vacations, decorating, wrapping presents, cooking, more shopping… our December to-do lists can often be much longer than those at other times of the year. It’s natural that this can cause us to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted.
Some tips to help juggle these tasks can include:
📃Making a physical list (and checking it twice?): Even if you’re not usually the list-writing type, physically writing down all of the things you need to do can help you to stay organised and calm your mind. Without this, you may end up going over and over things in your mind (sometimes without even realising), which can be draining. Transferring these things onto paper not only clears them from your head, but also helps you to group tasks in efficient ways, while making sure that you don’t forget anything!
🖐Delegating: While you might be tempted to do everything yourself, there is absolutely no shame in asking for help! Partners, work colleagues, even children—you can usually find ways for other people to chip in when you’re overwhelmed. Some tasks are more enjoyable when they’re done with others, like decorating or shopping.
🔮Being realistic: Once you’ve written your to-do list, take a good look at it and consider whether every task is completely necessary. If there’s too much to do, it’s usually better to take a few things off the list than risk becoming worn out. Enjoying the process is often just as important as the end result!
Gift giving
Gift giving is supposed to be fun, right? While it is born from the best of intentions, finding the right gifts can come with a lot of pressure, mentally and financially. It’s common to feel financial strain at this time of year.
Expenses aside, Christmas shopping can be overwhelming—having to deal with crowds, time pressures, not knowing what to get people, worrying about whether the gifts you give will be good enough. If you have children, you might feel these pressures 10-fold! Some ways to ease the pressure might include:
💰Setting a budget: It can be helpful to work out in advance how much you could comfortably spend and make a plan that will help you stick to that amount. To cut costs, you could prepare homemade gifts (food items like jams, pickles, and preserves, growing potted plants, creating a board game—get creative!)
You could also arrange with your family to have a per-person budget or to do a Kris Kringle/ Secret Santa style present exchange. Another option is to gift your time—quality time with loved ones can be more valuable than material things. Sometimes your presence is the best present of all!
🗣Communicate: The expectations around gift-giving often go unspoken, particularly when there have been traditions in place for generations. It might feel uncomfortable to talk about your financial situation, or even admit to feeling anything other than enthusiasm. But if you are struggling, it can be helpful to let your family know and to renegotiate those expectations. They might even be relieved that you brought it up!
Talking with children can also be beneficial. It can be tempting to convince your children that they must behave well to get good presents from Santa. But this can inadvertently send the message that what they receive is a reflection of their worth—how will they take it if you can’t afford to get them the indulgent presents that their friend got?
Try to emphasise that the reciprocation and shared joy of giving is where the value lies. Encouraging your children to enjoy giving just as much as receiving can be a meaningful lesson (for example, you could encourage them to make small gifts for family or donate their unused things to charity).
Family conflict
Let’s face it, you can’t pick your family. For some people, an opportunity to gather with family can be a blessing. For others, it can be something to dread. Maybe you struggle to relate to your family, or maybe you’re all too similar. Or maybe it’s just that one family member who likes to rock the boat (there’s one in every family, right?!) Whatever the reason, managing family conflict during Christmas can be a real challenge.
If you’re particularly worried about conflict on Christmas day, it might be helpful to communicate some ground rules with family members.
The specifics of these rules depend on the circumstances—it could be something like agreeing to not discuss a particular topic or deciding to have an alcohol-free Christmas.
To communicate your preferences for Christmas day, it might be helpful to remind your family of what Christmas means to you and why you feel that a certain precaution would allow everyone to enjoy the day better (without being accusatory or singling anyone out). If conflict does arise, it can help to use assertive communication and other strategies for managing disagreements.
Ultimately, if being around family makes you truly uncomfortable, you could make the decision to only stay for a short time, or even to spend Christmas with people you prefer to be around instead. Respecting our own needs and boundaries, and communicating these to others, is important in all aspects of life.
Disrupted routines
There’s a weird feeling of limbo between Christmas and New Year’s that usually consists of food-induced sleepiness and wondering what day it is. This can be a very welcome escape from the usual daily grind, but it can also be unsettling. We are creatures of habit, and disruptions to our usual routines can make us feel lost.
During this time, and also in the busy lead-up to Christmas, it can be a good idea to maintain some of our usual routines as much as possible. This could involve sticking to your exercise regimen, maintaining your healthy eating plan (for the most part), or—as tempting as it might be to sleep-in—going to bed and waking up as close to your usual times as you can. Self-care routines can also be important to prioritise.
Having familiar structure in our days can help us feel more in control and better able handle stress, not to mention make it easier to go back to normal life once the holidays are over.
The “C” word
You know the one… Covid-19. Like last year, this year’s holiday season may look a bit different for many of us. Unfortunately, lots of countries around the world are facing a Christmas of lockdowns, travel restrictions, limits on gatherings, and sadly, illness. It’s understandable to feel upset by these interruptions to Christmas plans.
On the plus side, options for digital gatherings are getting better and better, and there are countless ways to celebrate with family remotely!
Finding silver linings to challenging situations can be helpful. Maybe this is a good opportunity for a restful Christmas at home. It can also help to keep in mind that physical separation doesn’t have to mean that you’re alone—there are always people to reach out to, whether it’s loved ones or local support call lines.
Final holiday stress tips
The challenges we have discussed here certainly do not cover all possible holiday stressors, and there are some more general tips that can help make this season a little merrier.
The theme that runs through all of our suggestions is to try to focus on the things you can control and find ways to cope with the things you can’t.
Practicing general strategies for managing stress can also be valuable during the holiday period. It’s often helpful to start using these strategies when you’re feeling calm, so that you can more easily apply them when you’re stressed. Working on your skills for being more mindful in daily life can also help you fully embrace the good parts of the festive season.
For guidance on practicing these techniques, try the Mind Ease app for free today.
