5 Ways to Deal with Feelings of Despair and Hopelessness
Feelings of hopelessness might make everything seem like an effort. It’s okay to go easy on yourself and try to do small things that might help to lift the heavy feelings one little bit at a time. Learn about 5 effective strategies.
For some, it’s a feeling of being paralysed, numb, or heavy—when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and not move. It might include dark thoughts going round and round in a cycle, chest pain, or urges to cry. Whatever it is for you, feelings of despair and hopelessness can be really difficult.
Feelings of hopelessness can come about for a range of different reasons–it can be a single difficult situation that sets you off in a spiral, or it could be a build up of many things over time.
Some of the earlier signs that you might be heading towards hopelessness could include feeling distracted or overly tired, withdrawing from others, becoming irritated, using drugs or alcohol to escape, or feeling like you don’t want to do the things you usually do.
You might find that everything feels difficult when you’re in this state of mind. It’s okay to go easy on yourself and try to do small things that might help to lift the heavy feelings one little bit at a time.
Feelings of hopelessness and despair: You are not alone
Hopelessness and despair are common experiences–around 1 in 20 adults were classified as having “diseases of despair” between the years 2009 and 2018, with the rates slowly increasing over time. These numbers are estimated to be significantly higher since the COVID-19 pandemic.
There are also certain periods of time throughout the year that feelings of hopelessness may be more common or stronger. For instance, Christmas can be a stressful time and can trigger difficult feelings for a range of reasons. Seasonal affective disorder is a common condition that involves changes in mood during winter, mostly due to a lack of sunlight and reduced activity.
While it may seem bleak to think about how many people are struggling with these feelings, it also means that we have come a long way in working out how to treat despair.
There are many ways to help manage these feelings, and everyone is different. Here, we talk about 5 strategies that can have shown to be effective in helping people find hope & joy.
1. Use hopelessness to clarify your values
Dark times can create an opportunity to reevaluate what really matters to us and what we really want in life. Ask yourself, “if things were better, what would that look like? What is it that I hope for?”
Perhaps some of those things are not possible right now. But maybe you can identify some things that might be changeable. For example, you might hope to be physically fit and have more meaningful friendships.
Of course, many of the things we hope for can’t usually happen overnight. But you can start to think about the small steps to move you in that direction. Psychologists have a concept called values-based action, which means that whenever you are in a time of emotional pain, you have a choice to act according to either your values or your emotions.
By acting in accordance with your values, even small actions, you can start to find flickers of hope and motivation that only get bigger the more you take meaningful steps towards the life you want.
To begin with, this might be deciding to take an afternoon walk instead of lying in bed, or reaching out to someone that you haven’t spoken to in a while. It doesn’t matter how big or small the action is, what matters is whether it moves you in the direction of being who you want to be. The Mind Ease app has activities for helping you decide what actions to take to find more enjoyment in life.
2. Notice if your thoughts are tainted by despair
Feelings of hopelessness and despair can taint the way we think about ourselves and our lives. It’s like the opposite of rose-colored glasses—seeing the world through a dark lens.
One step to help pull us out of the spiral of despair is to notice whether we are thinking in negative ways about situations that might actually be neutral or positive. For example, you send some work to your boss and they don’t give any feedback, so you immediately assume that it was bad. Or your friend gets engaged and your first thought is “that’ll never happen for me”.
Now, we’re not trying to discount your struggles by suggesting “positive thinking”. We believe that a healthy mindset involves being realistic and balancing the positives and negatives. The thing is, when we’re plagued with feelings of hopelessness, the scales tend to be tipped far more toward the negative.
If you notice that this may be the case for you, it might be helpful to try and stick to the facts of a situation, rather than letting your thoughts be ruled by emotion.
Ask yourself: “Is this thought actually true, or am I only thinking this because I feel bad?” and “what is the most useful and balanced way to think about this situation given what I know?”
3. Counteract despair by allowing the good
Another way to start tipping the scales back into balance is to spend a few moments each day to notice and feel something positive. Hear us out—we’re not suggesting ignoring the difficult circumstances or suppressing how you feel. We’re suggesting purposely allowing yourself to feel something good each day to prevent being swallowed up by the bad.
It can be something really small, like the comfort of a nice hot drink, or the feeling of sun on our skin—the idea is to notice and find appreciation for the small things that we enjoy, whatever that is for you.
The Mind Ease app has a dedicated gratitude exercise that can help prompt you to reflect on some good things about your day.
4. Ground yourself in the moment
Similar to the point above, spending some time each day focusing your mind on what is happening right now—whether it’s pleasurable or not—can counteract feelings of despair. Often, painful emotions come from being fixated on difficult things that have happened in the past or feeling hopeless about the future.
Training your mind to focus on what’s happening in the present moment can alleviate a lot of distress. You can do this by paying attention to your surroundings—the things you can see, hear, and feel at any moment. Visit the Mind Ease app for guided mindfulness practice.
5. Reach out to someone
Talking about your experience with a trusted person is one of the most effective ways to manage mental health difficulties. Social support has shown to be an important factor in protecting people from stress and depression.
You might reach out to loved ones if you are comfortable doing so or speak to a mental health professional.
Alongside getting help from others, try Mind Ease to learn about a range of other strategies for taking care of your mental wellbeing.
