Friendship: 8 Ways to Improve Friendships to Support Your Mental Health

Do you struggle to make time for friendships while you’re busy adulting? If you do, you’re not alone! It can be hard to keep in touch with friends when we have so many other priorities in life. The thing is, friendships are important—they enrich our lives and can be a buffer against mental health difficulty. Rather than adding to life’s pressures, meaningful friendships can help relieve some of the pressure. Here we discuss some ways we can foster such connections amidst our busy lives.

A heap of research looking at the long-term impacts of social connection (or lack thereof) has reached an eye-opening conclusion: chronic loneliness can impact our physical health to the same degree as long-term smoking. Strong social support networks can protect us against mental and physical illness, improve our quality of life, and even help us to live longer!

While friendships have benefits for everyone, research shows that they are especially powerful for people who are prone to mental health challenges. Interventions for people with mental health disorders which solely involve connecting people, have resulted in drastic reductions in mental health symptoms and improved wellbeing.

In the famous “Rat Park” experiment, rats were offered the choice of drinking either water or a solution containing a drug like heroin or cocaine. The experiment was to help scientists better understand how drug addictions develop. At first, rats were placed alone in a cage. These rats showed a preference for the drug and quickly developed addiction. 

But, interestingly, when the rats were placed in a group within a larger enclosure—the “Rat Park”—they preferred to have water instead of having the drug. In the Rat Park, rats only occasionally had the drug, but did not develop addictions. This experiment is an example of how powerful and enriching a social environment can be.

Why are friendships so important?

The benefits of having friends are easy to see. But why is this the case? What is it about being around other humans that has such an impact on us?

Starting from a practical perspective, having people close to us increases the resources that we have to get things done. Humans evolved over hundreds of thousands of years to be social creatures for the simple fact that working as a team meant greater success carrying out essential tasks for our survival, like finding food and defense against predators. So, our drive to be close to others, to be agreeable, and to form social norms and customs, is ultimately tied to our drive to stay alive. Even in the modern day, having friendships makes it easier for us to get practical help when we need it.

However, our social nature has become something so much bigger than basic survival. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory suggests that, as humans, we have a set of fundamental needs for our psychological wellbeing. The hierarchy starts from the most basic needs, like food, water, and safety. Once these needs are met, the theory states that the next most fundamental need is human connection.

The sense of belonging that we get from genuine friendships and social groups is a crucial part of finding meaning in life. Being a part of something meaningful contributes to our overall satisfaction with life, and therefore, lessens symptoms of anxiety and depression. Sharing our challenges with others can help to lighten our burdens and can be particularly beneficial for coping with stress.

Not only do friendships help us get through the hard stuff, but they amplify the good parts of life too. Sharing enjoyable moments with others creates a positive feedback loop that means we derive even more pleasure and fulfillment from positive experiences than we would otherwise have on our own.

How do I foster more positive friendships in my life?

By now you might be thinking “yes friendships are all good and well, but I still struggle to make or maintain friendships in my adult life”. We get it, it’s not always easy! You might have a heavy workload, or maybe you’re a parent, or perhaps you’ve just moved to a new town. The list of challenges that can impact our social life is almost endless. So, what can you do to improve your social connections?

1. Schedule a date night

First, probably one of the more obvious tips is to try to make time to catch up with a friend. You could even make it a regular “date night”, where you have dinner with a friend (or a group of friends) on a certain night every week, or once a month, or whatever you can manage. Having it scheduled like an appointment can help to make sure that it happens.

Also, these catch ups are a chance for you to deepen your existing friendships. If you find that your conversations tend to be superficial, think in advance about a deeper topic that you could talk about. The quality and depth of our connections can impact how supported we feel.

2. Small points of connection

If it’s tricky to arrange regular catch ups for whatever reason (life, right?), it can be useful and meaningful to reach out in small ways. This could just be a text message letting a friend know that you’re thinking about them, or that you miss them, or simply that you appreciate their friendship. Just because you don’t see each other all of the time, it doesn’t mean that you’re not there for each other. Small points of contact can help to remind each other of this.

3. Evaluate whether certain friendships are beneficial or unhelpful

While a good friendship can be incredibly enriching and helpful for our mental wellbeing, having a one-sided or toxic person in our life can be unhelpful. There are a range of complicated reasons for why we might feel the need to hold onto certain connections that are not serving us well. We’re here to tell you that it’s okay to let go.

This doesn’t have to mean that you must harshly cut someone out of your life (unless that’s what you want!). It could just mean reducing your level of contact with that person by withdrawing a little and setting yourself some boundaries. It can help to communicate assertively about what you need.

4. Assess your social resources

While quality definitely trumps quantity, it can be useful to have a look at how much social resources you currently have in your life. You could make a list of possible challenges that would require different kinds of support—whether it’s financial, emotional, or something practical like moving house or pet sitting. Then, write down next to each situation who you might turn to for help. If you find that you’ve written the same name for everything, it might be a sign that you don’t have enough social resources.

When we rely on one or two people for all of our social support, it puts us at risk if that person is not able to help for whatever reason. It also puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on that person. A healthy social support network means having multiple people to turn to, and different people who can help with different things. The next few suggestions are focused on how to make new connections.

5. Make friends in convenient places

A great way to find new friends is to try to build friendships with people who are naturally already part of our life. We usually interact with people all the time—at work, the gym, the coffee shop, etc. Often, we don’t see these people as our friends. The thing is, these situations can be the perfect opportunity to form a meaningful connection. Think about someone in your life who you interact with regularly, maybe a work colleague, that you’d be interested in getting to know better. Take a leap and invite them for a coffee—chances are, they’ll appreciate it too!

Extend an invitation, and don’t be disheartened if you don’t fully click right away. Friendships often form after repeated time together, so keep trying!

6. Join social groups that align with your interests

A great way to meet like-minded people is to join a group or class with people that enjoy similar hobbies. This allows you to engage in your hobbies with other people. Often, friendships happen much more naturally in these kinds of environments because you already have something in common. If you’re in a group but haven’t yet formed any friendships, see the previous point (take a chance and see what happens!)

7. Use apps

Meeting new people can be really hard, especially if you are living in an unfamiliar place. Fortunately, technology is helping with this! There are now countless apps which, similar to dating apps, can help you to connect with people for the purposes of making friendships. These include 1:1 matching with people, or finding social gatherings in your area that you can join.

8. Get professional support

If your difficulty making or maintaining friendships is due to some deeper challenges, it can be a good idea to reach out to a therapist or support group to get help.

The Mind Ease app can help you work through challenges with self-esteem, anxiety, and depression that might be impacting your connections with others. You can download the app here.